he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
