You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
