you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
