She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
