if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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