The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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