well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
