he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Randomize
