would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
