Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
