Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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