Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
