So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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