i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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