i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
