I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
