is your mom at the bar?
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
