If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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