whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
