Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
