I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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