Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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