i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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