he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
That's how pantless uber rides happen
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
