also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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