I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
