the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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