so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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