P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
