there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
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