i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
