I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Come on in and take your pants off
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