everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
