I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
