I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
