That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
