you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
