A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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