Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
