nut hugger
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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