I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
