This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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