I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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