I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize