I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
