she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
