the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
