Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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