Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
