so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
