Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
