He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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