MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
