just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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