the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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