Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
