He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize