my sisters under your porch take her home
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
