Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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