oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
