Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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