i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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