I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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