Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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