It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
is it fun? or sober?
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