i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
im holly from the hills drunk
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
