I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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