saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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