Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
