Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
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