I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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