Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
