the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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