whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
