So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
