The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
