I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
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