I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize