I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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