I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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