You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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