We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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