Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
