I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
