I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
