P.S. I can't hear my feet
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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