i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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