I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize