My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
