: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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