'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
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