You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
