Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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