I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
