some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
