Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
