He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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