fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i think i have two assholes
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
