so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize