In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
