I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
